


UNIT Case File #2017S10- St Luke’s

by fluffysfics



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Eldritch Doctor, F/M, Gen, Humour, Social Media Fic, lightly sad ending, outsider pov, set during s10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffysfics/pseuds/fluffysfics
Summary: The following are accounts from various social media platforms, regarding the Time Lord (and former employee) known as the Doctor, and his time teaching at St Luke’s University, Bristol. Despite our best efforts, he still won’t tell us why he was there, so these student logs are our singular hope of understanding him.(The students of St Luke’s know that something’s up with their weird physics professor. And a small group of them are very dedicated to figuring out exactly what that something is.)
Relationships: Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Comments: 15
Kudos: 118





	UNIT Case File #2017S10- St Luke’s

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kagehana_tsukio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagehana_tsukio/gifts).



> massive thanks to Tsukana for letting me write this- I’ve had a similar idea in my head for AGES, and then they came up with a whole bunch of cool headcanons and I just HAD to do this

**CLASSIFIED UNIT FILES: DO NOT REMOVE FROM THE BLACK ARCHIVE**

_Editor’s note: the following are accounts from various social media platforms, regarding the Time Lord (and former employee) known as the Doctor, and his time teaching at St Luke’s University, Bristol. Despite our best efforts, he still won’t tell us why he was there, so these student logs are our singular hope of understanding him. Names and identifying features have been redacted as per policy, but several students have been placed under UNIT observation, including one Ms Bill Potts- see the Doctor’s companion files for further details._   


**Files taken from: reddit.com/r/StLukesUni**

THREAD: New Term!

MOD> Big old St Luke’s welcome to all the freshers starting this year!! Y’all are in for a wild ride. Get super drunk, make sure you show up to at least SOME of your classes, avoid Study Room 12 near the physics library, and don’t forget to crash at least one of the Doctor’s lectures this term. It’s tradition!

H.E> uhh i have some questions, what’s up with the study room and who’s the Doctor 

MOD> Study Room 12 is haunted. My friend <REDACTED> went in there for five hours last summer, came out, and it was only ten minutes since she’d gone in. She’s not the only one, either! It’s freaky. As for the Doctor, haha mate I wish I knew. Go to one of his lectures and you’ll see what the fuss is about!

H.E> haunted???? lmao is it too late to change universities 

THREAD: Aliens????

G.D> GUYS. Conspiracy theory time. We all know the Doctor, and that he’s been here for like a million years but none of the faculty seem to think it’s weird. 

Wait for it...........

I don’t think he’s from Earth. I mean, have you been to any of his lectures? Some of the stuff he talks about doesn’t make ANY sense. Or, he talks about the future. Or the past! He’s got to be a time travelling alien. He’s probably here to observe us and then eat us all or something. 

notthedoctor> This is silly, I’ve talked to him, he’s a perfectly normal human man! 

(Editor’s note: user ‘notthedoctor’ is strongly suspected to be either the Doctor or a close associate, so the username has not been redacted.)

E.A> no I think <G.D> might be right. I study history, and I was going through the university archives the other week- there are photographs from 50 years ago with the Doctor in them, and he looks the same age as he does now. 50!!!! (also, what sort of name is ‘the Doctor‘??)

G.D> VINDICATION!! Okay guys, I’m going to gather more proof. Stay tuned!

THREAD: Can I complain?

D.Z> Hi all. I’m new to St Luke’s this term, and something weird happened to me. I was supposed to be having a physics lab with the Doctor last Tuesday, but he never turned up. Instead, fifteen minutes into the lab, the overhead projector turned on by itself, and some weird woman in a purple Victorian dress gave us all a lecture on how to most effectively make a toxic gas in a university science lab. She kept getting interrupted by someone off-camera who sounded like the Doctor and arguing with them, it was really unprofessional. Who should I go to about this? 

MOD> Well. To put it simply- don’t go to anyone. You want to complain about one of the Doctor’s classes? It’s not going to get anywhere, I promise. Was it a graded assignment in the lab? Check your marks online, I guarantee you’ve passed it anyway. That always happens. 

D.Z> Wow. You’re right, I got a 95%! Who was the purple lady, though? Is she some kind of teaching assistant for the Doctor? Are they married? 

G.D> Can’t believe you’re new here and you’ve already met her. You’re so LUCKY!

THREAD: The Purple Lady

G.D> Right, guys. As the very lovely <D.Z> pointed out in a thread the other day, the Doctor doesn’t work alone. There have been multiple sightings of a woman with a strange old-fashioned purple dress connected to him. She never appears in person- always over a screen, always sitting in the same room. We don’t know where this room is, but I’m gonna get my friends together and we’re gonna search all of campus for it. Have you seen the Purple Lady? Drop your sightings here. 

T.T> she video called the Doctor during one of his lectures. he didn’t answer, but the call picked up anyway, and they spent five minutes arguing about the legitimacy of Kantian ethics. it was a lecture about black holes. 

A.H> I saw her! I think she’s a ghost, but like, a ghost of his wife. Her face kept popping up at the edge of the Doctor’s screen during a class, like she was messaging him or something. He looked weirdly fond of her, but he never mentioned the messages to us. 

N.F> I’m studying for a PhD in physics here, and this purple lady crashed a seminar I was leading. She said I looked like a very lovely young woman, but I wasn’t being nearly harsh enough on the undergrads and they wouldn’t learn anything if someone didn’t whip them into shape. She was on my computer screen, but I don’t know how she could see me, I have a cover over my webcam. She COULD be a ghost?

notthedoctor> She’s not a ghost, or married to the Doctor, she’s just a very naughty woman. 

(Editor’s note: sorry boss, this isn’t very professional, but I’m referring to Missy as ‘the very naughty woman’ in all my files from now on)

THREAD: Office hours

D.Z> Hi all. Anyone know when the Doctor’s office hours are? I need his help on the quiz we’ve got coming up and I can’t find them listed on his faculty page. 

(Editor’s note: inserted here is a screenshot of a St Luke’s faculty page. The featured photograph of the Doctor is at least thirty years old, and his staff biography reads ‘go away’. This is followed by a list of PhDs so long that it goes off the page, including doctorates in subjects such as ‘disco’, and ‘cheese’.) 

MOD> Hi <D.Z>! To answer your question, the Doctor doesn’t really have office hours. However, if you go to his office and hear guitar playing from inside, that’s usually a pretty good sign that you’re allowed in. Sometimes his secretary will be there. Funny bald dude, bit odd, but he’ll usually either show you in or tell you when to come back. 

N.F> Back when I was doing my undergrad degree, I went to the Doctor for help. He gave me everything I needed to pass the assignment, but he also offered me ‘toffee’, and I thought this was fine until I realised it wasn’t real toffee, like the chewy sweet. It was TEA MIXED WITH COFFEE. Basically, what I’m saying is, don’t drink anything he offers you. 

G.D> Good luck on your quiz! <3

pottsandpans> hi! The Doctor is my new personal tutor, I can probably hook you up with an appointment if he’s not around when you come see him. DM me!

(Editor’s note: This user appears to be Bill Potts, known associate of the Doctor, so her details have also not been redacted. Her contributions to social media have been quite fascinating- see below.) 

**Files taken from: twitter.com/pottsandpans**

pottsandpans: documenting my life for my five (5) followers on here, because the things I’m seeing, they deserve to be written down. Even if no one believes them. 

pottsandpans: I met a really pretty girl. Like, REALLY pretty. And then she turned into sentient oil. Kind of a bummer, but...something tells me we’ll see each other again. 

pottsandpans: emoji are probably gonna survive until the end of the universe and tbh, that’s a legacy the human race can be proud of 

pottsandpans: don’t even think anyone from St Luke’s follows me on here, but the Doctor punches racists and I love him for that. Platonically. Obvs. 

pottsandpans: hey y’all. No matter how desperate you get for student housing, READ YOUR CONTRACTS. Don’t be like me. 

pottsandpans: never using a VR headset again. Never using a VR ANYTHING again. Way too creepy. 

pottsandpans: love you, Mum. Really, really love you. 

pottsandpans: Romans are so much gayer than anyone gives them credit for?? 

pottsandpans: hey. it’s been a while, sorry. a lot happened. in good news, i got a girlfriend!! bit weird, dating someone who’s practically omniscient, but she’s great. in bad news...yeah, I’m not talking about any of that here. probably going to stop using twitter now, sorry. 

(Editor’s note: we don’t know the details of what happened to Bill Potts. Usual procedure is to bring any of the Doctor’s living companions in for an interview, but Ms Potts is hard to find. She _shouldn’t_ be, but somehow, she seems to keep evading us. I think the young lady we only know as ‘Heather’ may have something to do with that.) 

**Files taken from: reddit.com/r/StLukesCryptids**

PINNED POST> Hey guys! It’s your friendly neighbourhood <G.D> here. The mods of r/StLukesUni, in their infinite wisdom, got fed up of my cryptidposting and told me to put it somewhere else. So- here’s your place to post anything about the Doctor, the Purple Lady, or Study Room 12. Or anything else weird that happens. There’s a lot of it around here. 

THREAD: Study Room 12

E.A> wish me luck, friends. I’m going into Study Room 12. I’ll liveblog my experiences!

G.D> You’re a brave soul!!

D.Z> You got this!

E.A> right, I’m in. I can’t see anything weird on first look? there’s a desk, and a bookshelf, and a laptop charging port. pretty normal. 

E.A> okay, it’s been about an hour, I’ve read a couple chapters of my book, nothing weird’s happened. are y’all sure it’s haunted??

J.F> DUDE. You posted that FIVE MINUTES after your first post. 

E.A> wait what the fuck

E.A> update! something’s definitely weird in here. I can hear someone playing the piano. what’s adjacent to this room?? I know it’s the library corridor on two sides, but what about the other two? 

G.D> The basement! The door’s locked, though, no one can get down there. So there SHOULDN’T be a piano down there. And yet...

E.A> man don’t scare me like that I hate ghosts, especially creepy ones that play music

E.A> I wish there were windows in here. it’s like...I can feel time passing, but it’s not passing RIGHT

E.A> feels like I’ve been in here for six hours. my phone says it’s been one and a half. I had lunch before coming in here and I’m already starving again. y’all this room is definitely haunted don’t come in here 

T.A> Get out of there!!!!

E.A> so I’m out! I was in there for two hours. genuinely feel like I’m gonna pass out, it’s 3pm but I need to eat NOW and then I’m going to bed. does McDonalds deliver to campus?? (edit: holy shit guys thanks for all the attention, just noticed almost four hundred people have been reading this. glad to spread the cryptid word!)

THREAD: Statue?

J.F> Anyone else noticed that really weird statue that popped up on campus the other day? 

A.S> yeah i just thought they were filming something, or something like that 

J.F> I guess. But I DID see the Doctor and that student he tutors sitting on it and talking. 

pottsandpans> y’all should maybe stay away from that statue. It’ll be gone soon anyway. 

J.F> ??????????????

pottsandpans> trust me

THREAD: Astrophysics

D.Z> Me again. The Doctor took us outside at 9pm for an astrophysics lecture last night. I’m TOTALLY convinced he’s an alien now. Every time he pointed out a specific star, I swear it would get brighter. And he was talking about how the outside lecture was a tradition, and he’d been doing it for almost sixty years now. Sixty!!

G.D> Oh WOW, that’s some of the best ‘the Doctor is a cryptid’ evidence I’ve seen in ages! He’s a proper eldritch horror! Who...teaches science to students! I love it. Did he say anything else interesting?

D.Z> He had really specific stories about all the stars he talked about. Like he’d visited them all in person?

G.D> That’s AMAZING. So cool. I wish I’d been there. 

D.Z> We should hang out sometime, I could tell you everything he said!

notthedoctor> The Doctor is NOT an alien. He’s very clever, that’s all. He knows a lot about stars. 

G.D> ok boomer

THREAD: The roof

T.A> Saw the Doctor sitting on the roof of the Great Hall, talking to someone on an iPad. She sounded Scottish. Dunno about you, but sitting on roofs seems pretty suspicious and cryptid-like to me? 

G.D> BET HE WAS TALKING TO PURPLE LADY ISN’T SHE SCOTTISH

T.A> Aw, maybe they are married. 

D.Z> Wish someone would take me on a date to a cool roof at night. That sounds romantic. 

G.D> I like roofs! 

E.A> ‘I like roofs’ is the weirdest flirting ever lmao 

THREAD: Purple Lady

G.D> Guys. GUYS!! I saw her!! I saw her in PERSON!! She and the Doctor were walking through campus yesterday evening and I saw them from the library window! 

E.A> me too!! I was studying outside and they walked right past me?? can’t believe she’s actually REAL

G.D> Did you catch what they were talking about?

E.A> uhh something about a place called Gallifree? Gallifrey? sounds Irish but it’s not on google maps, rip. they sounded kinda sad as they were talking about it, and they were holding hands!! 

G.D> Absolutely. Wild. Well- here’s hoping we see them out and about again soon! Ooh, maybe they’re BOTH aliens? 

THREAD: I guess this is goodbye.

G.D> So. As I’m sure you all know, the Doctor is gone. No one knows where, or why, and half the staff are insisting he was never here at all. No one’s seen the purple lady in weeks, and even Study Room 12 is back to behaving normally. I mean, personally I take all of this stuff as evidence that he totally WAS a weird alien cryptid or an eldritch horror or something, but it’s kind of sad to see him go anyway. St Luke’s doesn’t feel right, being normal. 

Anyway, I’d like to thank the hundreds of people who took their time to read and comment here, with a special thanks to the devoted regulars who I still talk to every day. You’re all great. 

An even MORE special thanks to <D.Z>, we went on our first date a week ago and it was GREAT. No it was not on a roof, we went for ice cream like normal people, shut up. 

So. Thanks to all of you for reading about my wild theories and caring about the Doctor as much as I do. Maybe he’ll be back one day, who knows? Stay weird, St Luke’s. Love you. 

THREAD: Weird lady sighted!

C.S> Oh, yikes, this place is DEAD. Oops. Anyway- new year, no Doctor. But- I think we may have another cryptid. There’s this weird blonde woman I’ve seen hanging around a few times. She’s got these baggy blue trousers and a jumper with a rainbow on it, and this big long blue coat that flaps in the wind. I keep seeing her standing around, not moving, next to this strange blue box? Like a really old telephone box? Only the telephone box is always in a different part of campus. She looks so sad, I kind of want to go see if she’s okay. Weirdest thing is- you know how the Doctor always seemed to bend the room around him? If he was near you, he was the ONLY thing you could concentrate on? This woman does the same thing. Maybe they’re related. I don’t know. I hope she’s doing okay, whoever she is. 

_Final editor’s notes: The page ‘StLukesCryptids’ saw infrequent use after this. There were no more posts about the blonde woman- presumably the Doctor’s latest incarnation._

_Most of the other posts were about a roll of toilet paper that kept appearing in different spots around campus, a traffic cone someone put on a statue’s head, and various students dressed up in weird costumes. There were also occasional relationship updates about the students identified herein as G.D and D.Z- apparently they became quite the celebrity couple on campus. We have surveillance on them._

_Ms Bill Potts still evades surveillance, and the Doctor’s newest incarnation has yet to contact us here at UNIT. I hope she does so soon. Things aren’t looking too good around here, budget-wise._

_Anyway- congratulations for reading this far through so much student chatter. This is your very tired editor, signing off._

**/END FILE**

**Author's Note:**

> this is absolutely an experiment in weird formatting, I really really hope it turned out well! hope you enjoyed, comments and kudos are appreciated as always <3


End file.
